These have been the three goals of my life for quite sometime now. Whenever I think about what I want out of life, it all boils down to these three things.
I have been shallow and closed off lately because of my present state of satisfaction. My movements and thoughts only dictated by what is in front of me. How wrong is that? That only when in need do I get deep and turn to God. Today, I closed my eyes and imagined my life completely at peace. I imagined my relationships to be at peace, my work situation to be at peace, my body and my state of mind to be at peace. Do you know what I saw? I saw such joy in my life. I saw health, laughter, and so much love that it was overwhelming. I imagined how I would feel to breathe peace into other people’s lives, that I could actually be a light to others. Instead of focusing on the frivolous, shallow things, I should be focusing on this way of life, or the road I'm on will lead me to a dead end.
How do I do it though? I focus my thoughts on God. On this intimate relationship with him, and that feeling of complete control and peace when I have hit the bottom and I am absolutely torn apart, fallen on the ground. That moment when I know that my life is in his hands completely, and that he will treat me with love and love me to a life of joy again. I need that kind of intimacy back. Where I climb into his arms and hold on to him for my life, knowing that I am completely safe with him. This is the piece of life that I have been longing for, that I have missed. I have felt so empty even though I am in Paradise. Paradise only lasts for so long, and then the cracks show through.
Listening to the waves on the beach, reading my book, completely alone and completely relaxed, I focused on one word over and over, peace. I heard the waves rhythmic and soothing. I heard nothing else, not even my own thoughts. Suddenly everything around me grew quiet and somehow connected. I felt so at ease, so filled with love and joy. If I could just hold on to this feeling, everyday...
A day at the park.
Boo Boo, a puppy Nanna & I fell in love with at the park.